We broke down

This lady, yeah, we hired her. Well, not her per se, but someone exactly like her. Seriously, even looks like her. With the shawl and the glasses on her nose and everything.


We hired a night nanny.

For those of you unfamiliar with a night nanny, this is a blessed soul who comes to your home at night and raises your children from the hours of about 10PM to 5 or 6AM. I was told about the night nanny before the kids came. I thought "ehh, that's for other people".

Ehhh, I was really wrong.

Night nannys are basically required for parents of newborn twins. I seriously don't know how we'd even be functioning right now if we didn't have someone to take care of them three times a week. I'm guessing we'd be hallucinating like we just chased shots of whiskey with Tommy Chong's bongwater.

The downside is that they're not cheap. However, when the twins were about 4 days old, the wife and I basically decided that we'd sell a kidney if we had to. There are things that didn't sound rational at all prior to this experience that sound perfectly normal now. All you parents of singleton children who are scoffing at us right now for passing the buck for the night hell, allow me just a moment to lose any semblance of self-control while I call you single parents pussies for only having one baby at a time. Sorry.

In other news

They're still ridiculously cute. Just look at that crap, have you ever seen anything that cute in your entire lives? Just say no, because you haven't.

It's really not fair to other babies.

The kids are gaining about half a pound a week. I think that's good. I'm not a doctor. I'd check with Doctor Harvey Karp's book, but I don't believe he's a doctor either.

The kids are doing all sorts of cute things. Nolan is unusually strong. I think he might be stronger than my wife. You know the expression "taking candy from a baby"? That doesn't work with Nolan. He'd be like, "motherf&cker, get your own candy", and then he'd punch you. Not that I condone that kind of language or violence from my son.

Here's an example of Nolan's ferociousness. Observe -- the famous IRON CLAW!

"I am crushing your head with the IRON CLAW! I has
future in teh
wrestle"

See what I mean? Ferocious.

Lilly is also doing all sorts of cute things. She's starting to chub up a little bit, which is nice because she was kinda skinny at birth. Her feet are still enormous. She's got giant damn feet, which I think means she's going to be tall like her momma. She's not perfect though, she's developed a nasty case of the fussy/colicy death scream, which makes me want to kick myself in the head.

Last picture -- Nolan in the bathtub.