It's been a little bit since the last writing. The wife and I are writing this post together, so I have to limit myself as to how many times I can say "fuck."
Anyway, since the last writing, we had St. Patrick's Day. This really should just be called adult recess day, because it has almost no connection to the guy who led the snakes out of Ireland. St. McDrunkey and O'Bnoxious Day would be more appropriate. But I digress. The children dressed up for St. Pat's.
Pretty flippin cute if you ask me. Nolan passed out shortly after. Seems he can't hold his beer.
In other news, the children have begun eating real "food."
I put "food" in quotation marks because all we're talking about here is rice cereal. The wife tasted it, but I'm too much of an enormous weenie to eat that squishy shit. Wife reports that Nolan's tastes like yummy porridge, but Lilly's tastes like bad breath. It seems that the formula we mix the cereal with a lot to do with the taste. The kids have different formula, Nolan's apparently is less "breathey" than Lilly's. That girl will apparently eat anything.
The feedings are more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Lilly is clearly our champion eater. She instantly took to attacking the baby spoon and sucking that bad breath baby food off the spoon. She even insists on kinda eating at the actual spoon. That part concerns me a little. She also literally sucks the leftover barfy spitup and droppings out of her bib. No, seriously, she takes her bib with her little baby hands and sucks the food out of her bib. That's my girl. 
(This is pre-bib sucking)
(This is intermediate spoon and bib sucking -- you get the idea)Nolan, on the other hand, took a little while to warm to the whole spoon-feeding thing. He'd just let you basically smear baby formula all over his face and he'd sorta laugh about it. Or cry about it. I forget. I think he figured out that he's supposed to eat that crap. He must have gotten hungry or something and added 1 and 1. So now he eats the rice cereal from a spoon. Pretty well too, but not like Lilly the human baby shop-vac. I swear one of these days she's going to inhale most of the actual spoon.
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Nolan says "Hi....I have creap on mah faces!"
Eating or no, Nolan is still straight up pimpin. Here he is throwin up his good will peace sign for his peeps on the internets machines.
In our last bit of news for the day, we had one of those parental moments on Friday that I suppose all parents have. At least, that's what we're telling ourselves so we don't feel like we need to go to jail. I took Friday off, and the wife offered to let me sleep in. The kids got up around 7:00 AM. I was in a hazy bit of sorta sleeping when I heard *THUD*. First thing I thought was "a kid just landed on his/her head." I was right, mainly because I'm always right (just ask me). Sure enough, Lilly decided that Friday would be the day she learned how to sit up enough to get out of her boppy pillow and faceplant off the sofa onto the hardwood floor. Pretty impressive if you ask me. So I crawl my lazy ass out of bed and find both kids screaming. Lilly because she just ate the floor like Greg Louganis ate the diving board in 1988. Nolan was crying because he basically got flung onto the couch so momma could attend to the now possibly-brain-damaged-like-her-daddy Lilly. I took Nolan, wife took Lilly. A couple panicked web searches and phone calls later, and it turns out everything is fine. It seems that kids are tougher than burned steak.
The good news is that if Lilly suffered any kind of injury, it's going to be almost impossible to tell. Here's a picture of her BEFORE she tested the law of gravity.
See? Tarded. Lilly had a hard Friday. After eating the floor, I took her to my office, where I proceeded to bash her head into the car door while in the process of taking her out of the car. Then, when putting her back in the car, the brim of my hat plugged her in the head again. I'm not fucking kidding, you wanna talk about feeling like the worst parent in the history of time. At this rate, I'm just hoping she ends up capable of feeding herself someday in her life. Then again, I suppose sucking the food off the bib qualifies as feeding herself, so maybe this head trauma isn't all that bad after all.
OK, I gotta go. CPS is calling.
4 comments:
This post is so funny it made me laugh until I cried. Nice work, ya'll. :)
No worries. When my niece was about 6 months old or somewhere there abouts, we put her in my parent's bed which is literally about 3 feet off the ground and did the pillow fort thing so she wouldn't roll off. About half an hour later, we see her crawling around the corner into the kitchen. We didn't hear a thing. No thud. Nothing. If she cried, we didn't here that either. We were all just like "WTF?!" She can't do math now (almost 7) but I'm pretty sure that's because her Momma's an idiot.
Electra
Let's see... my Lily fell off the bed at 4 months.. a high bed.. onto the floor.. She also fell off the couch a couple of times too. Then when she got older, probably about 10 months.. I locked her in the car.. Yep.. on a hot summer day. A police car and locksmith visit later, she was free. Not fun trying to keep a baby happy through the glass, and try not to let her see you freak out!
I think we have had two E.R visits for her bonking her head.. and thank God they believed us that it was her actually running into stuff as toddlers are known to do and not us throwing her into something. No child protection services called! Whew. AND she always does this before a major family event.. so she always has some sort of bruise, black eye, or something in all the pictures. Just wait til they walk.. or run. ;)
Heather
This post makes me want to start a baby t-shirt company. Take you pick from section 1 and pair with section 2.
Section 1: Daddy/Mommy
Hits Me
Drops Me
Makes Me Drink
Section 2:
To save on college tuition.
Now I can't do Math.
To keep me quiet.
Now I'm tarded.
So I can be an olympian. (insert special olympics symbol)
I'm going to be right there with Ben in that hot place.
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