Real Food Postscript. Apparently Real Food = Real Poop

I forgot to add that the addition of rice cereal to the children's diet has added an unfortunate side effect. I've been warned by other parents for months now about the coming awfulness of the backside of real food. Apparently it'll get worse once we switch over to fruits and vegetables.

It's bad. Not crawl in the corner and shiver bad, but definitely "I need a hug" bad. It's really hard to mentally resolve the smell of diaper gravy cooking your nose hairs juxtaposed with a cute-ass grinning baby smiling back up at you. You want to ask God how it could be that something so small and cute could produce something so absolutely disgusting. I think God has a sense of humor, and this was where she was thinking "I'll fuck with them by making their poop smell awful!" Silly God.

Feeding Time -- Now With Real "Food"!

It's been a little bit since the last writing. The wife and I are writing this post together, so I have to limit myself as to how many times I can say "fuck."

Anyway, since the last writing, we had St. Patrick's Day. This really should just be called adult recess day, because it has almost no connection to the guy who led the snakes out of Ireland. St. McDrunkey and O'Bnoxious Day would be more appropriate. But I digress. The children dressed up for St. Pat's.

Pretty flippin cute if you ask me. Nolan passed out shortly after. Seems he can't hold his beer.

In other news, the children have begun eating real "food."

I put "food" in quotation marks because all we're talking about here is rice cereal. The wife tasted it, but I'm too much of an enormous weenie to eat that squishy shit. Wife reports that Nolan's tastes like yummy porridge, but Lilly's tastes like bad breath. It seems that the formula we mix the cereal with a lot to do with the taste. The kids have different formula, Nolan's apparently is less "breathey" than Lilly's. That girl will apparently eat anything.

The feedings are more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Lilly is clearly our champion eater. She instantly took to attacking the baby spoon and sucking that bad breath baby food off the spoon. She even insists on kinda eating at the actual spoon. That part concerns me a little. She also literally sucks the leftover barfy spitup and droppings out of her bib. No, seriously, she takes her bib with her little baby hands and sucks the food out of her bib. That's my girl.

(This is pre-bib sucking)

(This is intermediate spoon and bib sucking -- you get the idea)

Nolan, on the other hand, took a little while to warm to the whole spoon-feeding thing. He'd just let you basically smear baby formula all over his face and he'd sorta laugh about it. Or cry about it. I forget. I think he figured out that he's supposed to eat that crap. He must have gotten hungry or something and added 1 and 1. So now he eats the rice cereal from a spoon. Pretty well too, but not like Lilly the human baby shop-vac. I swear one of these days she's going to inhale most of the actual spoon.

Nolan says "Hi....I have creap on mah faces!"

Eating or no, Nolan is still straight up pimpin. Here he is throwin up his good will peace sign for his peeps on the internets machines.

In our last bit of news for the day, we had one of those parental moments on Friday that I suppose all parents have. At least, that's what we're telling ourselves so we don't feel like we need to go to jail. I took Friday off, and the wife offered to let me sleep in. The kids got up around 7:00 AM. I was in a hazy bit of sorta sleeping when I heard *THUD*. First thing I thought was "a kid just landed on his/her head." I was right, mainly because I'm always right (just ask me). Sure enough, Lilly decided that Friday would be the day she learned how to sit up enough to get out of her boppy pillow and faceplant off the sofa onto the hardwood floor. Pretty impressive if you ask me. So I crawl my lazy ass out of bed and find both kids screaming. Lilly because she just ate the floor like Greg Louganis ate the diving board in 1988. Nolan was crying because he basically got flung onto the couch so momma could attend to the now possibly-brain-damaged-like-her-daddy Lilly. I took Nolan, wife took Lilly. A couple panicked web searches and phone calls later, and it turns out everything is fine. It seems that kids are tougher than burned steak.

The good news is that if Lilly suffered any kind of injury, it's going to be almost impossible to tell. Here's a picture of her BEFORE she tested the law of gravity.

See? Tarded.

Lilly had a hard Friday. After eating the floor, I took her to my office, where I proceeded to bash her head into the car door while in the process of taking her out of the car. Then, when putting her back in the car, the brim of my hat plugged her in the head again. I'm not fucking kidding, you wanna talk about feeling like the worst parent in the history of time. At this rate, I'm just hoping she ends up capable of feeding herself someday in her life. Then again, I suppose sucking the food off the bib qualifies as feeding herself, so maybe this head trauma isn't all that bad after all.

OK, I gotta go. CPS is calling.

Well that worked out sorta well!

We tried a couple new things with the children last night. We separated them, so Nolan slept in one room and Lilly in the other. We did this to see if Nolan would sleep better if we let him cry for a little longer instead of rushing in to "save" him every time he peeped. We were always so worried that he'd wake up his sister (who sleeps like a champ) that we'd never let him try to self-soothe himself.

We're not Ferbernazis or anything, but we felt like he wasn't getting the chance to learn to take care of himself. So he slept in the other room by himself last night.

It worked like a charm! Nolan slept for 10 hours (really). He only got fussy once or twice and both times it was something he corrected within 5 minutes. So it falls in that "good night" category.

Feeling adventurous, the wife and I decided to take the children out for their first dining out experience this morning. We went to Cafe Brazil in Deep Ellum. It went OK. The kids were really good -- strangely good -- for most of the time we were there. Lilly started going downhill about the time I finished eating. It makes sense, she didn't have her morning nap.

Fortunately, I inhale my food, so I finished eating and took her to the car while mom finished eating with Nolan. She got out of there about the time he started melting down. It wasn't the most relaxing Sunday morning breakfast, but all in all, it was a success.

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The boy is paying us back right now by refusing to take his morning nap. And wheewwww, what's that smell???? Good lord, I think he's been eating beans!

Now -- pictures!